Shadow of a Thief
by Ms. Donovan and Ms. Midnight
Summary: A Huge Ball, A Priceless Diamond, A Beautiful Woman, where else do you think Sly Cooper is going to go? But not all thieves are bumbling idiots. Some even can compare to Sly Cooper.
1. Chapter 1

**Hallo Everybody!**

chorus** Hi Doctor Caity!**

**Yep, I'm back, and I'm here with implied angst and banter. Oooh, banter. Fire on a stick! Don't ask.**

**So why haven't I updated recently? Well kids, the answer to that question lies with circumstances I can't control. Like the urge to hibernate now that winter has come. Hey, snakes and bears do it, why can't we? Also, that frickin' fact hut has made me pay attention occasionally.**

**On a different note, the words left me for a while. For some reason, I would stare at the word processor, and nothing would come out. The words and ideas, once a great and everlasting fountain of insanity, became a desert of boring and stress. **

**SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

* * *

**

Gold eyes surveyed the ball. They took note of the chandelier hanging above their target: a huge smoky diamond. The eyes traced a path up the chandelier, to a ceiling fan, to a spectator's box, down an electrical wire, and finally into the kitchens to make an escape. By then, the raccoon surmised, the alarm would have sounded and the getaway car getting ready to floor the accelerator.

"Why hello there, what's your name?" A tap on her shoulder brought the raccoon out of her thoughts

"Shadow. Yours?" she replied without thinking. But then she saw just who was talking to her. Sly Cooper. The most notorious- and well known- thief this side of the Atlantic.

"That's a weird name. I'm Coy." Sly smirked.

"You have no right to talk. I realize you're coy, but I asked you what your name was, not your pseudonym." Shadow smiled right back, doing a crazed fangirl dance in her head.

"Smart. But my name really is Coy. So what is such a smart and beautiful raccoon doing here in the corner without an escort? There might be someone dangerous back here."

"The only one in this corner dangerous is I. And don't practice your flattery on me just so you can get into that fox's favor." When 'Coy' looked mock appalled, Shadow continued. "Don't think that someone in the corner watching everything wouldn't notice your rather long and intimate dance with Carmelita."

"Was it really that obvious? I need to work on my courting skills."

"Indeed. But you're not horrible. Just slightly impaired."

"Glad to know."

A silence settled. The sweet waltz the band had been playing was replaced with a concerto. That was again replaced with a minuet.

"Thirsty?"

Shadow nearly jumped. She had forgotten that she had a companion, and had been muttering plans under her breath. "Yes. Would you get me a glass of wine?" As Sly walked off, Shadow counted the seconds before she could duck away and enter the bathroom.

Once there, she slipped her dress off. Though her dress was beautiful, it exposed too much for Shadow to be comfortable. She quickly put her boots, capris, and turtleneck on. She put on her headset and tucked a camera in her belt next to her glasscutter and pliers.

"Shadow clocking in," she whispered into her headset as she vaulted herself into a ventilation duct opened via screwdriver.

"Good. Took you long enough. Take the next right," came the reply from Shadow's brother, who was on the roof with several maps and books on electrical wiring.

"Where would I be without you?"

"Probably adopted and exiting college like our parents wanted. The shaft should end in ten feet."

"Well, after school, Pa would have wanted me to join in on the family business."

"True. We just sped it all up a bit."

"Okay, I'm going to need to concentrate soon, so pipe the hell down."

"Aye, aye. This is Gordon, signing off until further notice."

Shadow unscrewed the duct cover blocking her way. It fell and clattered loudly. Shadow froze, heart pounding.

A minute passed. And another. Shadow slowly let her head out into the open. Thankfully, the box was empty. As soon as she confirmed that no one was coming for a few minutes, she hopped out of the shaft, dusted herself off, and replaced the duct cover.

Shadow then walked over to the railing, telling herself not to look down. As she grabbed the electric wire cover, she thought to herself that a fear of heights was not good for a life of thievery.

But soon she was at the point where the wire turned left and she leapt off, landing deftly on one of the many ceiling fans. Shadow climbed up the pole connecting the fan to the ceiling and then jumped to the cable holding the chandelier to the ceiling. As she climbed down, she felt increasingly anxious. The light cast by the candles was getting stronger. If any of the dancers looked down, Shadow was sure that they would see her and sound the alarm.

But nothing happened. Shadow came to the bottom of the cable and searched for a place where she could crawl through the candles and crystals to jump down. She set a foot onto a stable looking crystal, producing a musical tinkle. Shadow froze. She scanned the crowd, looking for some sign of confusion. Only one person seemed to notice.

"Shi-" Shadow stopped herself short. Sly Cooper, probably the only person who could beat her skill, was looking directly at the chandelier. Shadow berated herself for wearing black. But apparently Sly saw nothing but a shadow. He looked back down at his current dance partner, Carmelita. Shadow waited a beat, then attached a hook to the base of the cable and crawled carefully through the maze of candle, crystal, and light. As soon as she was clear of the chandelier, she let the last few feet of the rope loose and jumped down to the platform, behind the podium where the diamond was kept.

"Shadow requesting assistance," she whispered into her headset.

"Hmm? Oh. You know, you shouldn't talk about yourself in the third person."

"Idiot. Just tell me how to short the alarm already! I'm on a schedule."

"Yeah, Karina is a bit impatient. She'll want you in the car and out by three minutes ago."

"You all know I am on the same channel as you are! I heard that!" Karina yelled, through her thick Russian accent.

"So? Anyway, Shadow, I want you to open the panel to expose the wires."

"I've already done that."

"You don't always…"

"It was only once! Go on."

"I want you to strip the green wire going from the ground to the diamond." Gordon waited a moment. "Now strip the red wire going from the diamond to the ground." Another moment passed as Shadow did what she was told. "Now touch the two bare wires together and tape them."

"Done. Anything else?"

"If you did it right, then you just cut the glass, snatch the diamond, replace it with the fake, and run. If you did it wrong, I've made sure the alarm won't sound for two minutes, enough time to grab the rock and run for your frelling life."

"Oh, good!" Shadow carefully took the glasscutter from her belt. She cut a circle out, just large enough for her hand to fit through and pull out the diamond. Normally, she would take it out from the bottom, but this was a special job. She had to make sure it looked like someone else did it. Maybe someone from the Klaw gang, or a Cooper.

The thought of Sly made Shadow's hand slip for a fraction of a second. But she steadied her hand and reached through the hole in the glass. She pulled out the diamond and put it into a pouch on her belt. From another pouch, she grabbed a similar looking quartz crystal and set it into the display case.

Shadow replaced the glass circle she had cut out, released a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and stood up, turning.

"Well, hello. I didn't know you'd be here. I would have brought flowers." Sly Cooper leaned against the wall of the platform.

"I would have turned them down with an icy smile and a sneeze. I'm allergic to most floral pollens."

"What are you here for?"

"Gee. I'm not exactly sure. I was going to steal a bit of molding from the walls, but now that I see this sparkly diamond, I'm not so sure."

"Ah, but that's what I'm here for, and I sort of need it."

Shadow paused, wondering what she should tell Sly, and what she could leave out. "Well, I'll let the well known thief go ahead and steal the priceless jewel, then. If I can get your autograph."

"Do I really have a fan?"

"I'm the secretary of the fanclub."

"I'm flattered. A whole club."

"Indeed." Shadow stepped to the side, allowing Sly to get to the display case. He walked over to it, punched the glass, and grabbed the quartz, immediately running off.

Shadow sighed and jumped up to the rope she had left dangling from the chandelier. In mere minutes, she was watching the party again, examining the dancers as they milled about. She pulled out her camera and took several pictures of the entry and exit points, the guards, and the master thief who thought he had fooled them all.

* * *

"Shadow, vhat are you lookink at? Ve haf already broken into the Opera House. Ve shall not need further reconnaissance." Karina looked over from the driver's seat.

"Just in case we need to get something else out." Shadow passed picture after picture, until she realized that in her last picture, one of Sly, showed the raccoon winking and playing with a worthless quartz stone.

* * *

**Well, that's what Is gots. Deal.**

**Now review!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Shadow! You half a gentlemen caller!" Karina yelled, the sound waking the slight raccoon up from a blissful sleep, which involved diamonds and Carmelita's corpse.

"How do you know he's mine?" Shadow groaned and checked the alarm clock. Nine o' clock. Too damn early.

"Because he is certainly not mine, and he is not your brother's type."

Gordon's voice echoed from the computer room. "I don't like what you're insinuating!"

"Well neither Shadow nor I called that gentleman whore to the house, so it must half been you!"

Shadow slipped into a pair of jeans and checked to make sure her camisole was on straight. "And how is he not yours?" she yelled, walking sluggishly to the bathroom to wash up.

"Because he is too short, and I do not recognize him!" Karina turned back to Sly. "I am sorry, Mister Gentleman Caller, but Shadow is so hard to vake up in the morninks, and you really are short to me."

"It's okay." Sly kept looking up. Karina really was large. You didn't find that many six and a half foot tall tabby cats.

"You could have been drunk, Karina!" Shadow yelled down. She stumbled down the stairs and stopped when she saw the door. "Karina, throw it out. We don't allow rats here." Shadow away from the door. "Hey Gordon, what's for breakfast?"

From somewhere Sly could not see, a voice replied, "How the hell should I know? Isn't it your turn to cook?"

"Miss?" Shadow turned back to face Sly.

"Yes?" Shadow's right eyebrow was sky high, which usually was a bad sign.

"I was wondering if you could give me my diamond back."

"Hmm… It seems that the diamond, though by some miniscule technicality is mine, actually belongs to the person I stole it from. If you want it, you shall have to find a better way to enter my house undetected and steal it from me. Which I doubt you can do, as that would require somehow getting your hands by my waist, where the diamond is."

"At vich point Shadow vill half killt you. Gordon would then rip your incessant little head off, and I vould half come into the room, forty-five in hand. I do not think you vould get out of the house without dying several thousand times." Karina stepped closer to Sly, looking down at him. "No one, absolutely no one, can touch Shadow. Especially not someone whose intentions are less than pure."

Sly backed away a few steps. "I take it that I would have to buy it off of you guys, then?" Sly looked to where Shadow had been, but the raccoon had already left in search of munchies.

"Like Shadow said, she and her brother have some right to it." Karina glared for a few more seconds at Sly, who (nervously) stared back. "But everyvone has their price." Karina smiled. "Come later, vhen hunger has not sharpened our tongues, and we may half a deal. Now get out of this house."

Sly jumped out of the foyer, narrowly avoiding the door as it swung shut with a _kwhunk!_

Gordon looked up from the table, at Shadow, who was cracking eggs onto a frying pan. "Did you have to be so mean? He is your ido—" Gordon's remark was cut short as a piece of toast hit his nose. "Now that was uncalled for." Gordon started to butter the toast that had nearly blinded him. "And we don't really have a right to it."

Shadow didn't respond as she checked the pies and cookies in the oven. She continued to fix breakfast, prepare lunch, and set up mid-day snacks. When at last she had a few seconds to spare, she said, "You know what that diamond is. It's a shadow diamond. Only found on the family island. There's no way mom and da sold it, so the owners must have stolen it. We just stole it back."

"Shadow! That's a legend. We don't even know where the family vault is, never the less the family island. If we did, then we wouldn't be stealing. Someone else must have found it, and thinking it was uninhabited, mined some diamonds."

Shadow spun around. "Some of _our_ diamonds. And anyway, we have it now, and so we have the right to it. I don't want to hear anymore." Shadow turned back to the counter long enough to grab Gordon's plate, but immediately resumed the staring match against her brother.

"Vat is goink on? I thought I heard plot-induced arguing. Or even vorse, a recap." Karina entered the kitchen, preparing to eat. When she saw the tension between brother and sister, she paused long enough to make sure that she wasn't the subject, and then proceeded to eat. "Vonderful meal, Shadow. Prime."

* * *

**Taht was your second chappie. (spelled correctly)**

**I like the whole thing and how it turned out. Skveeeeeeeeeeee! (yes, Karina just stole the keyboard and wrote that. And I'm too lazy to delete it.)**

**Be happy, young viewers, for I am also too lazy to do shameless plugs. Or at least, full plugs.**

**Plug number midget: Moi. Kali Donovan. Search for Donovan, and you'll find me. I do Teen Titan fics. Deal-io.**

**Plug letter two: Semmie. Semine Midnight. Search for Midnight, you'll find her. She does mostly HollyFoaly fics for Artemis Fowl, but she also did a Harry Potter one. Deal-io.**

**Plug color c: Our other stories. We've collaberated in some part on each of our stuff, and you should read our crap. Deal-io.**

**Plug object indigo: Senex Cowan. He doesn't do anything but read, but he complained to me when I didn't plug him last time. Go. Read his...Wait. He hasn't published yet. Hmmmm.. I wonder why I haven't plugged him before!**

**This is Kali; sleep deprived and out.**


	3. Chapter 3

**In case ya didn't notice, Kali is writing this fic. **

**And this was planned to be a oneshot. But since you all assumed it wasn't, I decided to be nice and add more. (partially cos I had the idear for more in my head.) Thank me! I am being nice to you, mine readers!**

* * *

"The Murray is displeased with the behavior of your shadow. "

"She was just pissed off at me, that's all."

"Shall the Murray have a talk with your shadow?"

"She's not _my_ Shadow, she's _a_ Shadow!"

"The Murray is confused. How can there be a Shadow without a person?"

Sly sighed. "Shadow is a name. Of a raccoon. Not the slightly darkened area that follows my material person."

Bentley looked up from his computer. "That implies that part of you is immaterial."

"Yeah… The soul. You may have never heard of it, but I assure you, there is one."

"Now Sly, there's no need to get angry and accurate at me. And I'm sure even your soul is materialistic and wants to own everything."

"Not the point. I'm going to bed now."

"At nine thirty? Why?"

"The Murray senses defensiveness and annoyance."

"Then the Murray would be correct." Sly started up towards his bedroom.

Murray looked at Bentley and shrugged. Bentley turned back to the computer, saying, "We'll get the diamond in a few days when we buy it off of the Malloy family. Until then, Sly will sulk because Shally or Shadick or whoever the Malloy kid is hates him."

"The Murray is sad for Sly's sake. Knowing Sly, he would try to force her to not hate him."

"Which would result in his immediate death. The Malloys have a history of a bad temper."

* * *

"Ve are meetink the gentleman caller on Friday. Is that okay vith you, Gordon?"

"Do I not even exist?" Shadow said from where she was bent over the oven.

"Not vhen you are beink irrational."

"Then apparently I would never exist. And neither would Gordon."

Gordon turned a page in his weekly planner, checking if Friday was free. "I'm always rational. I might not be logical or sensible, but I'm always rational. You, on the other hand, are always logical and sensible, but rarely ever rational."

"I take offense at that."

"Good. That makes sense, and is logical." Gordon hid a smile as he penned in a meeting with the Cooper Clan. He then ducked, avoiding an oven mitt making a beeline for his brain. "You have to stop trying to brain the brain." At that pun, he ducked again, missing a rubber spatula.

* * *

**At this point, dear readers, I am using a trick the coolio Semine taught me. I am pushing the great cosmic fast forward button. It is also known as the plot fairy, which patches up all plot holes, such as why Sly is not currently stealing my computer to stop me writing. Wait—Gimme, you half assed raccoon! ((whack!))**

* * *

"Are you sure this is the place?" Bentley adjusted his glasses as he stared at the Russian restaurant.

"It's the address… And I'm sure Karina would be happy with it." Sly pushed the door open and lead the way. The gang entered and sat at a booth in the back.

"The Murray is unsure of our correctness. The place is…"

"Eerily, spookily empty." Sly looked around, taking in the red upholstery andlighting, or, more correctly, lack thereof. "Very spooky."

About a half hour later, a rat waiter came up to them, set down six bowls of borsht (with difficulty) and ran away.

Another half hour later, Sly noticed that the shadow next to him was slurping the borsht. "Uhm…. Hello?"

"Hallo. Excuse me, let me finish this delicious borsht. Are you goink to touch yours?"

"No, Karina."

"It vill put flesh on those villovy bones of yours."

"I like my willowy bones. Where are the others?"

"You cannot see them? Shadow vill be pleased. Shadow, come out."

Deeper in the shadow, a voice squeaked, "Make Gordon come out first. I'm trying to eat my borsht with a knife and fork. And he likes Sly. So he should go out first."

"Don't lie, sister dearest. We both are contending for the same, probably straight, man. Damn. You get all the cute ones."

"Brother dearest, you lie. And you got that whore."

"He was only asking for directions. How many times do I have to tell you?"

There was a distinct _whap_ sound from the shadows as Karina yelled, "Be courteous to our guests. They vill be givink us vast amounts of money. Come out, both of you!" And with that, Karina let herself, in all her six foot six glory, be seen. Gordon, in his rather smaller glory, followed. And sulkily, Shadow followed, rubbing the back of her head.

"So, for courtesy's sake, I'm Bentley, this is Sly, as you may know, and this is uh… The Murray." They waved.

"Karina. Shadow. Gordon, the gay sheep of the family." Shadow pointed to her friends in turn. Then she dug in her pocket, ignoring Gordon's protests, and pulled out the diamond. "Diamond, which I stole unfair and parallelogram." She placed the diamond on the table between her bowl of borsht and the edge, and proceeded to attempt cutting the soup.

"Fifty thousand dollars."

"After all the recon I had to do? We're not going lower than one hundred thou. And that's if I'm feeling particularly happy. As in, free private masseuse happy." This said, Gordon picked up his wine, peering at Murray as he sipped.

"And we had to do an equal amount of reconnaissance, plus deal with a change in plans as we realized that Carmelita was at the ball."

"Your own damn fault if you didn't check the guest list. Gordon insisted upon it." Shadow didn't look up from her borsht (which was not cooperating with her) as she spoke.

"I don't see how it's fair. We both put forth relatively equal efforts in achieving it. I, on the other hand, got there first." Sly stared at Shadow, measuring her reaction. Which was non-existent.

"Which is exactly why the diamond is in my possession, why I appeared at the ball early, and why I was at the dais a good five minutes before you were." Shadow picked up her milk and sipped a bit before again trying to cut the borsht.

"Seventy five thousand."

"Did you not hear me say no less than one hundred if you fund my private masseuse."

"Yes I did, mister Gordon. That offer was toward miss Shadow." Bentley smiled.

"I sadly disagree with my brother, given what it is, I would take no less than one hundred and eighty thousand." Shadow was getting more and more violent toward her borsht.

"You see, we need it for one of our jobs. We need to create a laser that would be focused enough to cut a hole out of the moon."

Shadow raised her eyebrows, her eyes still on the borsht, and said, "And the purpose for that would be…?"

"To stop a madman from using his moon base to destroy various cities on earth," Sly said simply.

"You should send that off to a science fiction magazine. I'm not giving it up."

"And that would be… why?"

"Because it's a bleeding family heirloom!" Shadow shouted, finally looking up from her borsht, half of which was on the table and her shirt.

"Oh…"

"It's the last diamond my family has claim to and I'll be tarred and feathered before I let some idiot raccoon with an ego issue take it from me! I don't care what you're willing to pay me!" Shadow stood up in her fury, and no doubt would have stormed off, had there not been several people stopping her from doing so.

"Shadow, sit down, dear. Ve do not half to sell the diamond. Calm down please." Karina gently placed her paw on Shadow's arm, but Shadow shook it off.

"I will not be calm as my dead family's memory is bought and sold like some… some…. tchotchke!" Shadow jumped up on the table and lept off, storming into the kitchens and out of the building.

The table was silent for a few moments.

"Well, I'm sorry, but we can no longer accept your offer to buy the diamond." Gordon picked up the diamond, put it into his pocket, and followed his sister's suit, stepping onto the table, helping Karina onto the table (the table groaned and shook with Karina's weight) and off to the car in the back.

After a few moments, Bentley piped up.

"That was smashing. Really, that could not have gone better. I mean, it's not every day you get such agreeable and attractive people to bargain with!" The turtle rolled his eyes and shot the still-swinging door a glare.

"The Murray thought the Russian thug an unnecessary measure by the Morleys."

"Murray, it's Malloy."

"The Murray does not know of what you speak."

"Their last name is Malloy. Not Morleys."

"The Murray is embarrassed."

Sly remained silent.

"Welp," Bentley said, "nothing for it now. You'll have to go in and retrieve it. Up for it?"

Sly hesitated for a moment before replying, "When am I not?"

* * *

**Semine wanted 'The Murray' to say confusled, but I don't think 'The Murray' would say that. **

**She also wanted me to have Sly call Bentley 'bitch'. **

**Ooh! She just called me wench! I feel special!**

**Semine's words of wisdom for the day: "I…like…heat…"**

**Semine: I'd rather be poor and in love than rich and not.**

**Kali: But you can buy love.**

**S: Man-whores don't count.**

**K: Man-whores always count! Even your brother says so!**

**S: 'Scuse me! I don't have a brother!**

**K: Gordon will be sad to hear that, Shadow.**

**S: Shut up and write.**

**So. I'd plug, but I did an abbreviated plug in the last chappie. And before I forget, I want kudos. I, who am famous for not updating for years upon years, updated twice in one night. Twice in the same week. I wants me some reviews! Gimme teh lurve! Fire on a stick!**

This is Kali; sleep deprived and out.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why do I have a hat up here?" Victor blinked several times, a woman coming into focus. She put on a puce hat, which clashed wildly with her hair. "Oh yeah, that's why! To keep my head warm!" She smiled triumphantly. "What's your name?"

"Victor Van Dort," he replied through his headache. "Where's…Victoria?"

* * *

Golden eyes surveyed the wall, following the ivy vines to the window, where a crowbar,

or if it came to it, glass cutter, would get the raccoon into the house, to where the prize was seated.

"If I don't do it now, I never will," Sly said to himself before jumping up, grabbing the vines and climbing up. The window, surprisingly, was open. Probably to let in a warm night breeze. Or a sneaky raccoon with an ego problem.

Sly vaulted in, creeping slowly to the sleeping form of Shadow. There. A sparkle of light. The diamond. Sly reached out, ignoring that this came perilously close to ass touching.

At completely the wrong moment, Shadow rolled over onto her back, and Sly realized that she was awake and staring at him with disdain.

"Karina! Gordon!" Shadow smirked. "That was not your best move. Next time, which won't happen, you should realize that when a girl says no, she means that if you try, there will be much bloodshed and many lawsuits."

"Come now, you don't really want me dead, do you?" Sly looked about for an escape.

"Depends. Would you go away and never talk to me again?"

"Sadly, I can't promise that. Who in their right mind would leave you alone?"

"Someone without a death wish."

"It seems that you've had several opportunities to kill me, and yet here I am, alive. Care to explain?"

Shadow blushed lightly (or furiously, it was hard to tell through the fur). She opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by much thumping in the hall and muffled Russian curses. And more thumping from the other side of the hall and geek curses (which went along the line of "Effing thing shouldn't have fragged me. I'm not a frickin n00b.").

"Leave, and they might not kick your ass," Shadow said, pulling up the covers around her.

"You won't force me out into the cold, unforgiving-"

"It's summer."

"The cold, unforgiving world, with only Miss Carmelita Fox outside for company and warmth, would you?"

"You. Leave. Now."

"I believe the line is, You, Pants, Off, Now."

"How is it that you are a raccoon who has the sex drive of a colony of rabbits?" Shadow asked, thanking whatever deities there were that she had fur to hide the blush. She thought she heard a snicker, but wrote it off as Sly being an asshole.

Karina leaned over to Gordon in the hall. "Are you gettink the popcorn, or am I?" she whispered.

"Let's see if this'll be long enough to make popcorn. He might bolt soon."

"Ah. Vell then, ve shall just sit here. And listen. And document. And snicker." Karina pulled out a camera phone and sat down on a table, which groaned threateningly under her weight, so she sat on the ground. Gordon extracted his revenge on the n00b end table by sitting on it.

"Well, fair lady, I am forced to leave this house, but we shall indeed meet again."

"If you step again on my property I shall kill you on sight. And find a loogal lephole (don't ask) to get out of serving time. Have a nice night!" Shadow smiled sweetly.

"I'll have you pressed against a wall too fast for you to grab Karina's forty-five," Sly said, winking, as he re-opened the window. Shadow growled angrily.

"I've got other tricks up my sleeve. Or rather, in my belt." Shadow mentally hit herself in the head (after killing Sly in her brain. Several times), for Sly was already on the roof of the next house. Then she felt at her hip. It was smooth, clearly absent of any priceless gems. She felt the other hip. Nothing. "The fucker got away with it," she whispered.

Gordon, from his perch on the n00b end table, whimpered (in a manly way, of course), realizing the tell tale signs of Hurricane Shadow.

"Time to evacuate," Gordon whispered as Sly ran away (also in a manly manner).

Halfway down the hall, Karina yelled, "Good Luck!" Gordon mentally cursed and vowed to fragg her halfway to nerd hell (where they just got dial up internet).

* * *

The next morning, Shadow was glaring at the coffee pot. She glared at the scones. She glared at the refrigerator. She glared at the spoons. She stopped glaring for a moment to have a staring contest with the tea.

Gordon came into the kitchen. He looked at his sister. He looked at the teapot. He whipped out his trusty Sharpie and scrawled two blinking eyes onto the teapot. Shadow pointed a finger a teapot and screamed, "Hah! In your face!"

"Why were you having a staring contest with the teapot?" Gordon wearily asked.

"It insulted my honor," came Shadow's sulky reply.

"Mmm-hmm," Gordon said, breaking out fondue forks, a candle, and marshmallows. "And you are about to throw a blender at me, why?"

"I'm not about to throw a blender!"

"Look at your right hand."

"That's a food processor." Shadow sighed, putting down the kitchen appliance. "Sorry, Gor."

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?" Gordon asked, lighting the candle and sticking a marshmallow on a fork.

"Got a scone?"

"In the cookie jar."

Having retrieved her scone, Shadow sat down, looking expectantly at her brother. He looked expectantly back. They continued to look at each other expectantly until Karina came in.

"Vhat in falafel's name is goink on here?" Karina walked over to Gordon, picked up his fondue fork (with marshmallow), and lit the marshmallow on fire.

"Hey!" Gordon broke eye contact to yoink the fork back.

"It tastes better burnt."

"I know that, but I wanted to! Get your own 'shmallow!"

Shadow was silent, her right eye twitching slightly, her two 'siblings' still fighting over the marshmallow in question. "You're….eating…._marshmallows_….for….breakfast…."

They stopped fighting (Karina held the fork with Gordon grasping on for dear life, as he was a foot off of the ground). "No. We're cooking them now. By the time they'll be ready, it'll be lunch time." Gordon looked for a moment at Shadow to make sure she understood the concept, then went back to kicking a few inches from Karina's knees.

"It'a 11:59."

"Exactly."

Karina got bored, plunking the male raccoon back into his seat, victorious. "Vhat is vrong, Shadow? You look sad, and more over, you're rippink up an othervise perfectly good scone."

Shadow looked at the older tabby cat. "I…it's…he…nothing."

"That is not actually an answer. Merely an evasion. Make with the spillink of the beans." Karina went to the freezer, brought out the emergency chocolate mint chip ice cream (with emergency spoon), and plunked it in front of Shadow, sitting down as she did so.

"It's just…he…."

"Ve've done the non-answer part. Get to the juicy stuff."

"The object of fangirl desires is, by definition, not attainable, and too famous to take interest in the everyday thief. But he's gone ahead and changed the rules, making the little fangirl 'coon in me squeal as I realize he lives only nine blocks away."

Gordon, oddly enough, replied, "I know how you feel. I was the same way as I hacked into Alan Rickman's personal computer (don't ask). But I just did what I always do: compress all of my feelings into tiny .gif files, then convert them into bitterness for non-family members, and unconditional love for those inside the gang. And any leftovers get transferred to a floppy, then burned like all other obsolete software."

"Vho is it?" Shadow stared into Karina's eyes, searching for any signs that she was teasing. There was nothing there but sincerity.

"I've only thirty-five fangirl objects. And I've only met ten, nine of whom I met at cons, when Gordon dragged me to the Guests of Honor table (he was game designer of the year at Origins five years in a row)."

Karina was assaulted by an image of a thirteen year old Shadow, shrieking, "I love you Darth Vader! Obi Wan Kenobi, I wanna have your baby! Yoda…. You go boi!" It took much mental training (which she had gained in the home country) to _not_ snicker.

"And then, _then_, I realize that if, by some miracle, he did notice me, he's already go his eyes (and I pray nothing else) on another girl. Karina, I just…" Shadow violently speared the ice cream, on which her brother had generously slapped a burnt, gooey, delicious marshmallow. (Author's Note: Mmmmm…scalding flaming marshmallow goo…)

"Don't vorry. He'll soon realize that a life vith Carmelita is a life of possible death."

"What did you do…?"

"Nothink. A little money just changed hands, changed hands, and changed hands again, until a post it note was stuck on her pillow with some choice words."

"Not even asking, but POST IT NOTES! Do you have no _budget?_"

"Gordon did it, so no."

Gordon shrugged. "It was either calligraphy paper, or a fifteenth server."

"Fifteen? What need do we have of _fifteen_ servers?"

"Our money-laundering scheme. We steal money, pump the cash into servers, then sell use of the webspace to starving comic artists and porn wonks. And, who cares if the threat is on post it notes?"

"I do! Our reputation depends on looking clean, respectable, and dependable. If we can't afford to use business grade items, then people will think we skimp on supplies and won't do their jobs right. And why do we need fifteen servers?"

"It will increase our revenue by an estimated fourty five percent."

"I love you, you economics major."

"And psychology. And swindling. And robotics. And physics. And geography. And computer science. And consumer science. And art appreciation. With a minor in scientology, to creep out my professor."

"And now you've creeped me out."

"To return to the real point, go take a shower, Shadow," Karina said, chomping off the marshmallow on the end of her fork.

"Are you trying to tell me something?"

"No. But you'll feel better, and I know that a good smellink female is always a turn on."

"Waitaminute…why do I need to be a turn on?"

"Go shower, Shadow. I'll tell when you're," Karina glanced at the clock, "an hour and a half older."

As soon as Shadow had left the room, and the water was running, Karina popped open her cell phone, made a call, and demanded the presence of a business associate.

And in fifteen minutes, he was sitting in front of Karina, trying not to laugh as she lit marshmallows on fire.

"Vould you like one?"

"No, I'm fine with the scone."

"Your loss." Karina popped the still smoking marshmallow into her mouth. "I half called you here because you can perform a service that no one else here can." Her associate blinked. "You can deliver. And if you don't, I've got an ace up my sleeve that would half no scruples in killink you right now."

"And here I thought she loved me."

"Oh, she does. But she'll kill you to spite her heart. She nearly killed her last boyfriend, and that was before she found out he was cheating on her."

He grimaced. "Than what do you want?"

"You know. And I want it in…" Karina checked the clock. "One hour."

Gordon, unhappy that he had been left out, and being the anal person that he was, corrected, "You actually have one hour and nine minutes, thirty seven-no thirty six-seconds, and counting."

"Well in that case, I'll just spend some extra time while running home. Which I won't be doing."

"I assure you, you vill be. I don't care if you got it fair and square (which you didn't), if you don't I'll sic Shadow on your tail."

"I thought that the idea of a threat was for it to be unpleasant."

"Fine then. I'll arrange it for my gun cabinet to be unlocked."

"I need it until Thursday. Then, you can have it."

"You don't understand. And frankly, I don't care vhether or not you do. But the diamond will be with Shadow, and you vill not be botherink her anymore. By tonight."

Sly sighed. "_You_ don't understand. We need it in order to stop a madman."

"Then finish with it in one hour. Leave."

Sly didn't. Instead, he spoke again. "I have some information you might find interesting. I, meaning of course, Bentley and I, meaning of course, Bentley, found an uncharted island with what seems to be diamonds underneath it."

Gordon's eyes widened. "Where?"

"I think he said it was in the Indian Ocean."

"That would make sense. My parents mentioned the coast of Africa, so I assumed it was in the Atlantic Ocean. Wow…"

Karina thought, considering her options. It was possible (remotely, but possible all the same) that the combined wills of Sly, Bentley and Murray could match her stubbornness. And she didn't feel like employing Shadow's will (Gordon didn't have will, he had achieved enlightenment through scientology).

So all that was left to ask for was coordinates, which in the long run was more valuable.

"Coordinates."

"I don't remember. Bentley knows better than to tell me strings of numbers."

Karina's snippy comment was on her lips, when she heard an irate voice from above. "KARINA! IT WAS YOUR TURN TO DO LAUNDRY! WHY ARE THERE NO BATH TOWELS!"

Sly got up in one fluid movement. "This I've got to see…"

The clack of a gun being readied and the slight "weeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-oop" of a laser powering itself up prompted him to send the siblings a joking smile. He held up his hands.

"Kidding. Kidding," he said, laughing.

"KARINA! WHERE ARE THE BATH TOWELS!"

"THERE IS ONE IN MY ROOM!" Karina shouted back, never taking her aim off of the raccoon in front of her.

Sly looked at the two people and their weapons. "I'll just be leaving then."

"Coordinates. Bring them to me in forty five minutes." As Sly left the house, Karina followed him with her gun. She didn't stand down until she couldn't even see his tail swishing as he jumped.

* * *

BREAK (everyone has a cuppa tea. Poor little Sly is stuck with bacon tea. Karina sniggers)

* * *

"Karina! What are you doing?"

Karina gave Shadow another shove. "I'm _tryink _to push you up the stairs. But I'm failink."

"Why are you pushing me up the steps?"

"Vell, I need you out of the kitchen and this seems the most logical way." The large tabby ushered Shadow into her (Shadow's) room and quickly opened a document on the computer. Karina sat the slim raccoon down in the desk chair, and watched as she went from zero to incoherent with bliss in five seconds.

"I…I want…"

"Yes, we all do," Karina said, allowing herself an appreciative glance at the exposed legs of the singer who was the newly uploaded (thanks to Gordon) wallpaper on Shadow's computer.

Moving silently, Karina gently closed the door, leaving a parting shot. "By the vay, you smell great."

When he passed Shadow's room, Sly couldn't help but to look at whatever she was staring at. Had he known that she wouldn't hear him, he would have asked who the hell it was on the screen, but he figured he was pushing his luck by even being in her room. So he left and sat down across from Karina.

"His legs are beautiful, no?" Noticing that the comment _whooshed_ over Sly's head, Karina continued. "Coordinates. Now." Sly didn't move. "Do you want me to tell her that you have possession of the man on the screen? She will kill you just to catch a glimpse of him."

From her room, Shadow yelled (through fangirl joy), "I WOULD NOT! I'D JUST MAIM WHOVEVER YOU'RE TRYING TO HIDE FROM ME!"

"You. Coordinates. Me. Now."

Sly sighed. "Your sister messes it up, too. It's 'You. Pants. Off. Now.' Get your pickup lines straight." Karina's glare kept Sly from saying more.

"Give me the paper." Karina pulled her gun from her pocket and set it on the table.

Sly held up the paper, where several numbers were scrawled. "See? Can I leave now?"

Karina snatched the paper and handed it to Gordon, who left for his room to check the coordinates out. "If they are correct, you vill be able to leave. If not, I'll just tell Shadow what you have."

"Which is, what? A cane? A diamond? Cash?"

"A diamond, a heart, and a….certain organ she may find interestink."

From above there were sound of thumping. "Karina, I'm unna….thump….soon as I…thump…sonofa…thump….when I break down this door, I'll pick you both fleshless!…thump…"

"Oak doors," Karina said, by way of explanation. "Once they're locked, someone as light as Shadow can't put a dent in them."

"Why doesn't she just sneak out of her window and come in through the front door?"

The thumping stopped. "Thank you! See you in a few!"

"Smooth. You vill deal vith her…" Karina sighed, picked up he gun, and strolled out of the kitchen, whistling slightly. Sly started to follow when he heard the door open, and knew that his hallway exit was sealed.

"What the-?" A horrified-looking raccoon came into the kitchen. Her eyes flashed, and she took a few very slow steps towards him. "I…am…going…to…claw…your…eyes…OUT!"

Sly jumped up onto the table. "Let's not be doing the killing thing, now…" He made some rather choice noises and jumped to the top of the refrigerator, where he assumed he would be safe. Er.

"What in the world do you think you're doing? Coming to _my_ home, bothering _my_ family, and generally messing with _my_ rather happy day? I had a nice, happy mood a moment ago, which only bad tea could have messed with. But you had to go ahead and screw with me. Well, consider yourself," Shadow jumped up onto the counter and grabbed the first kitchen implement she could find, "served." And she whacked him with a pasta scoop.

"All right, all right! Quite whacking me with it and we'll discuss this like adults!" Sly winced with every whack, since the pasta scoop's tongs were relatively sharp.

Shadow whacked him three more times for good measure, then hopped off of her counter and sat down in a chair, where she grabbed a scone and threw it at him. "Fine. Get down here and talk."

Sly looked at Shadow. "Promise not to attack me with kitchen implements?"

"I promise to attack you only with food. Now get down here."

"Is there rock candy?"

"No. But we do have mini-fruitcakes."

"Ack! I'm coming!" Sly hopped gracefully into a chair and looked at Shadow. "So I was at the DMV once—"

"We are _not _talking about the DMV. That is akin to asking me how my parents died or which woman would be better to make catcalls at."

"But I'm a raccoon. So they'd be 'cooncalls. And the answer to number two is sitting in front of me." He winked, and Shadow closed her eyes, controlled her inner fangirl, and mock-barfed.

"I mock-barf at you and your crappy pickup lines."

"Pickup line? Why, I'm merely stating the obvious, my dear lady."

"Two can play at that. The best circumstance to kill is when no one is near, and the only ones who can testify that you had opportunity agree that the victim is an asshole who can't control the brain in his pants."

"True. But the best time to _not_ get killed is when you're in the same room as someone who'd desperately love to both maim you and snog the hell out of you."

"So, for you, the police station is best."

"Ooh, flagrant denial much? Carmelita would just like to maim me."

"I've read her diary, and she begs to differ." At Sly's raised eyebrow, Shadow continued. "If I've got a job to do, and a police officer is attending the party, then I want blackmail material."

"Then shouldn't you also have had blackmail material on me?"

"I could arrange for fifteen hundred stalkers to follow you everywhere." Shadow paused, thought, then asked, "May I leave the room for a moment? I've got some…_friends_ to email."

"And leave me all alone? Cold? Sad? Lusting? I hope you're not so cruel…"

"Two out of three are rather interesting prospects…"

From both exits, muffled cries of, "You're not leaving" were heard.

"I love my family. Don't you? Sure you do."

"They give me alone time with you."

"If you give me a fanboy smile, I'm killing you now. And I hate my family."

Sly laughed, and Shadow nearly melted into a puddle in her chair.

"A fanboy smile? I thought this was a charming-yet-slightly-naughty look!"

"Yep. Fanboy." Inwardly, Shadow cursed the Card Carrying Fangirls of the League of Bishu Shonen. It was them who introduced her to non-fuzzy pictures of Sly. And it was them who taught her how to truly fangirl. She also blamed the singer on her desktop, as he was her first fangirl-desire-object, and by googling him, she found the League. (AN: Yay, mid-chapter shameless plug!)

"Hmmm. I'll have to work on my charming-yet-slightly-naughty look." Sly looked at Shadow. She looked at him. Something intangable passed between them. Or, at least, it would have, if Shadow had not caught it, thrown it over her shoulder, grabbed a tangerine scone, and thrown it at Sly.

"Baked Goods Fight!" she shrieked.

Sly blinked, then dodged an errant calzone. He smiled, grabbing a crepe and tossing it.

"I am hearink the thunks of baked goods. Should we be worrink?" One door hissed.

The second door paused to listen before replying, "No, but don't go in there or you'll get fragged worse than a level seventy gnomish—"

"Please be the stoppink now. I do not wish to know."

"Ah!" Shadow exclaimed as she was pelted in the thigh with a bun. "Die!"

Sly laughed as the lithe raccoon pitched a cookie at him. Catching it effortless and taking a bite, he chucked a scone at Shadow. She countered with a roll, and ducked beneath the kitchen table to catch her breath.

"Okay, okay," she panted, laughing. "Cease fire!" A last meringue sailed through the air and whacked her ear. "Ow. Three week old meringue hurts. No soup for you."

"You were going to feed me lunch? I'm honored. Are you going to come out?"

"I decided to feed you lunch to take it away from you. And no."

"Pwease? I promise I won't bite hard."

"Ewieewieewewewewewewewie! Horrifying mental pictures! I will never come out from under this table, now!"

"Fine then." Shadow's eyes were met with another pair of (rather annoying, but amused) yellow eyes. "Hi, there."

Shadow stayed under the table long enough for her right eye to twitch three point one four times, then leaped under and into her seat. "Good jeebers, you could be an exterminator."

" 'Jeebers'? What does that mean?" There was a slight scuffle as Sly managed to find a stool to sit on.

"It's a word. It's like jeepers, but better."

"Because B's are always better than P's."

"Dern Skippy."

"I won't even ask."

Shadow nodded and took a scone from the table, taking a bite from it, and chewing it over slowly. "This is an apricot scone," she pronounced triumphantly.

Sly raised an eyebrow and smirked. "This matters…why?"

"Well, it's a good thing to know. Besides, I like apricot scones. Don't you?"

"One in particular looks supremely inviting right now," Sly purred with a lecherous look.

"Where's that pasta scoop?" Sly dropped his look and made the sign of the cross as if warding off so many demons.

"Don't hurt me!" he whimpered.

"Would dream of it. And you whimper. That's cute." Seeing his look, she added, "In a cruel, vile lech sort of way."

"I'll take whichever cute I can get."

"Well, then, I'll just have to take them all back."

" 'All' implies more than one."

"…..Damn! Caught! But most of them were other people (mostly men) thinking, me just typing up the slash fics."

"I'd ask, but I'm sure that I'd never understand."

"Oh, it's quite simple. One pulls out a computer, then- Are you alright? That's a long drop."

"Ah…didn't know you care, my dearest…and yes, your floors are quite…ow…comfortable." Sly looked up at Shadow from the floor, his tail swishing slightly. Shadow suppressed the urge to shriek, "Swishytailswishytailswishietail!" She disguised it expertly with a cough.

"I don't. But if you don't have insurance, I'm screwed."

"Must…refrain…from…obvious…sexual…comment!"

"Mustn't….refrain…from….obvious….snide…comment." Shadow threw a pumpkin scone at Sly's head. Given his position, he could do nothing but yelp (in a manly fashion) as it hit him.

"Cruel mistress, thy name is Shadow 'With a Scone' Malloy!"

"I am most assuredly _not_ a mistress. That would imply not killing, stealing from, or mace-ing every man who comes within twenty paces of me."

"I'm alive. So's Gordon."

"I stole your diamond and his dignity."

"How?"

"Well, I took a can of shaving cream and our best china-"

"Don't tell him that!" said the door.

"The walls have ears."

"And mouths, apparently."

"Poor things never get any action, though."

"Charming symmetry between them and myself, then."

Shadow rolled her eyes and exclaimed, "Holy freaking crap, you're not going to give up until I'm stretched out on your bed, are you?"

"Nope. Now move, I ought to get up. Unless you want to come down…"

"If you were upright, I'd slap you."

"I'll just be staying down here, then." Shadow kicked him gently with her steel-toed boot.

"Back to the business at hand. Why are you here?"

"Well, Karina doesn't trust me (I don't know why…), and so Gordon is checking some coordinates."

Shadow blinked. And again. Then, sweet realization dawned, and out of her lips came the best compliment she had ever said to a non-Gordon male. "You just might not be the most despicable creature I've ever had the displeasure to meet."

"Joy."

"No, really, most of my associates would be quite flattered to hear that. If they weren't in the Witness Protection Program."

"Your ex?"

"I was hoping that by now he had died, but you never know with mercenaries, especially out of country ones." Shadow dropped to her knees beside the still-horizontal raccoon, grinning. "So, where is it?"

"My price, dear lady, is a kiss."

"I no keel you, you tell me coordinates. Deal?"

"Nope. Pucker up."

Shadow socked him in the arms. "Meh, I'll know soon. Speaking of which, where is Gordon?"

"Bentley might have switched the numbers around. He does that on map-like thingies in case they are lost."

"You mean exchanged for a snog from a pretty detective inspector?

"Ye-What the—Wait. I'm shallow and stupid, but not _that_ shallow and stupid. I mean, seeing you angry, and with Karina's horror stories, I'd have to be a Darwin Award Candidate to be that terminally retarded."

"'I'm shallow and stupid…' That's the sweetest thing you ever said to me! And that isn't an answer."

"So?"

"I asked a question. The common procedure, except in rhetorical cases, is to respond. And in the case of a rhetorical question, you answer it in your head, followed by a rather biting and snide comment."

"Fine then. No. I do not give the police information that could somehow lead to the capture and arrest of fellow thieves."

"Damn honor. It always messes with my plans! Now get up; I can't look at you straight sitting up and my knees hurt."

"That sentence is slathered in so much innuendo, I'd be proud to say it."

"Innuendo is in the eyes of the beholder. 'Beholder' being synonymous with pervert." Shadow got back into her chair. "Get up and I'll give you a kiss."

Sly sprang up and righted the stool, an eager smile on his face. Shadow kissed her hand and blew at Sly, just as Gordon entered the kitchen.

"Should I leave?" he asked, a triumphant smile on his face.

"Why did you choose to come in now?" Shadow had her eyes closed in both embarrassment and annoyance.

"Well, I figured this was the time with the least chance of death for interlopers. When you were trying to kill him, I'd be dead too, and then the Baked Goods Fight was potentially deadly if you had found the fruitcake."

"How true that is," Sly interrupted, and joined Gordon in the ducking away from the scones.

"On another note, I've got a private jet rented for tomorrow. Pack your bags, Shadow. We've got a mine to operate and a mansion to renovate. We've room for several more on the jet, if you wanna bring a friend." Shadow got up from her seat and hugged her brother, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"I love you, Gor!"

"Not fair! I bring the coordinates and I get BLOWN a kiss? And he gets one planted right on him?"

"One of you is gay, and therefore my shield against depraved assholes. The other is said depraved asshole." Turning to Gordon, Shadow hugged him again and said, "And no, Jimothie, Thelonious, and Zachariah don't want to come on account of not existing."

"Just making sure. The last time we went on a plane trip, you held a huge hissy fit at not having seats for your imaginary friends."

"One, I was six, two, Marcia left because you didn't let her have a seat, and three, ix-nay on the dearing-enay ories-stay in front of the ot-hay eif-thay."

"One, I failed pig latin in high school, and two, I can tell myself whatever stories I want." Gordon grinned as he ducked a slap upside the head.

"You are my brother, therefore not hot. Handsome, yes. Available for sale, yes. Hot, no."

"Zing, baby, zing. Can I leave? Can I leave? Can I leave?" Sly asked.

"Yes, go. Now. Bye. Have a nice life," Shadow said, determinedly not looking at the thief in her kitchen that wasn't related to her.

The sound of a window being opened was followed by Sly's reply. "Fear not, fair mademoiselle! We shall meet again, perhaps in the moonlight, by the sea! Ta ta, my love!"

After a moment, Shadow looked up at the empty window. She smiled at Gordon's comment.

"Two observations. One, he is soooooooo into you. Two, he is soooooooo stowing away on that plane."

* * *

(BREAK, everyone has a cuppa tea. Sly gets non-bacon tea. Sly is happy.)

* * *

Shadow tossed down the newspaper, snickering slightly at the headline, which was about a strange laser that had cut a chunk out of the moon. Karina sat beside her, smiling gently, a romance novel in her hands.

"Gods, being rich is dull," Shadow said after a moment. "No heists, no adrenaline, nothing and nobody to snatch from."

"Ve shall go into a city soon, dear. For now, enjoy it!"

"Gor is still in his room, right?"

"Yes."

"All that boy does is build video games. He needs to get out."

"If he is happy, that is vhat matters."

There was a long pause. "Any new news from the city of love?"

"Aside from the laser? Nope. Everithink is quite routine. May I get back to my novel?"

"Sure. Have fun." Shadow looked next to her at the cabinet. She thought for a moment, then banged three times on the cabinet door. "I've found you out. You're rather obvious, you know that? I mean, you sneezed four times in there. In one hour. You can come out, though, if you like."

"Will you make any jokes about coming out of the closet?"

"Only eight. And that's if you can stop me in time."

Sly crawled out of the cabinet, a thin layer of dust covering his fur. "May I have a bagel?"

Shadow thought. "Hmmmm… We might be out, but if we have any, I'll let you have one before screaming at you for intruding on breakfast."

"Thanks." Sly looked around the kitchen. "Where would one find a bagel?"

"Cupboard."

"Ah."

"You've got the third room on the left on the second floor. It's a tad stale, but I think you can deal."

Sly choked on his bagel (partly because he was eating it raw).

"Open jaws aren't particularly becomink." Karina set her novel on the table, and gave Sly a hard look. "If you hurt Shadow, I vill kill you. And if you forget to put the toilet seat down in the bathroom, I vill kill you slowly and painfully. Understand?" Sly nodded, turning a slight blue gray. "And savink your life isn't in the Landlord's duty. Heimlich yourself. Other than that, you may stay." Karina stole a section of the newspaper from Shadow as Sly banged himself on a table.

Shadow sighed and obligingly helped Sly remove bagel bits from his throat. "I have to do everything here."

"Yep."

* * *

**Thoughts on this chapter: **

**Mmmmmm…..Scalding flaming marshmallow goo…**

**Ohmigosh! See the ears? It's a kitty shmallow!**

**The dance of the sugar plum shmallow.**

**-Here! Have a pamphlet! –Yo mama!**

**-Hi Yoda –Mama, Yo.**

**Yoda is like, human! Only, really old, so his liver spots became green, and he got short, and then, he got plastic surgery to make his ears pointy. And your ears and nose keep growing in old age. And he's senile, so he speaks backwards!**

**One starts with a 3!**

**A lie is a vonnnesnitch who steals his name.**

**You smell great, Bob! (don't ask, my minions, don't even ask)**

**Kittiekittiekittiekittie!**

**Scratch me and die.**

**There is no 'k' in routine.**

**The first two paragraphs are for a story in Corpse-verse. . **

**And that, meh dears, is fin. Fin. Finiefinfinfin. (it's like meaniemeaniemeanminminmin, only not) Hope yeh liked it. Check out mah other stuff. Check out Semine's stuff. Check out some random person's stuff. Check out a nickel. Check out a book from your local library.** **Check out some hawt person of according gender/species (cos I know some of youse aren't human). Ravish me with praise. Ravish Semine with praise. Ravish a chocolate. Look up ravish in a dictionary. Look up ornery in a dictionary.**

**And if you did at lease two of the above things, then my mind control module has worked. AWESOME!**

**And that's the end of my creative drive for now. Deal-ski.**

This is Kali; sleep deprived and out.


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